


We're All We Have

by sryr



Series: he thinks he's the most important thing to you [1]
Category: End Roll (Video Game)
Genre: Alcoholism mention, Allusions to pedophilia, Character Study, Child Abuse, Incest, M/M, Unhealthy Coping, allusions to sex, unhealthy codependency
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 04:23:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8130263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sryr/pseuds/sryr
Summary: Russell grows jealous of his brother, not realizing it's actually the other way around.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I said I wasn't going to post this because this was pretty much 100% me being in a terrible mood and pushing it onto unhealthy coping/codependency dynamics, but on the off chance someone on here enjoys it as well I thought I might as well. It's also been a while since I've posted anything really, but aa, I might add to this later? I just really like the idea of an AU where they're twins, but their relationship in general is just very interesting to me.
> 
> I believe I caught all the necessary tags, but I apologize if I missed one somehow, there is a lot of cover in this game and I tried to be as through as I could.

Russell wishes he could be more like his brother.

It wasn’t like he was the favorite between them necessarily. As far as their parents went, it was clear neither of them had wanted either of them. It was fine though. Neither of them were fond of their parents either, but having each other made it a bit easier. He had aspects to him that made him more social and frequent to make the connections Russell himself wished to, but at the same time he never gave any of them a particular special kind of treatment.

Russell never knew how he found out the things he did, but he always shared those facts with him a bright smile on his face as he did so; as if the information alone was enough to cure any ill intent he carried. He was a know-it-all and read people in a way that was almost frightening.

It almost made Russell jealous of him too, being able to connect to people and feel a happiness Russell himself had never understood, but his brother was the only person in this world he had. Except that wasn’t entirely true either, it just felt like it most of the time.

Though Russell was not one to start conversations on his own, there were many acquaintances he gathered and namely at least one person he felt he could call a friend. On the few days his brother was out and doing his own thing, there was a boy named Chris he sometimes spent time with. Sometimes even on days when his brother went home alone, he chose to go to such a seedy and dangerous part of town if only to feel less alone.

Without realizing it, his ever seemingly happy brother grew to be a distorted jealous figure as well. Russell arrived home early enough that their parents were still out and like always his brother was there playing a game on the couch. He greets him the same as always, but there is a slight difference. For once, his brother’s smile seemed more forced than usual, and there was no immediate offer for him to join in the game.

It’s obvious and being who he is, before Russell can even ask, his brother is already answering his question. There’s no familiar glee in his voice at reading and predicting a question before someone could ask it, instead there’s a cold tone that Russell isn’t used to having directed at him.

“I learn the things I do because it makes me feel smart. It makes me feel safe to have all this knowledge about the people around me. Those siblings at the church, that girl your _friend_ has a crush on, that friendly zookeeper, that kind police officer who brings us home at night, that nurse that gives us compresses for our bruises—even that doctor who lives in the bad parts of town you keep wandering in.”

“I could go on, all those people and more I learn about. I find out all I can about their secrets and it doesn’t bother me if they never think anything of me.”

“Even you; we were born in this place together and so it’s only natural I would know the most about you. Things you lie about, the things you pretend aren’t true, and places you think I don’t know you go. You give me details and think you’re hiding the other stuff you think.”

“But even still… there are things I don’t know about you.”

There’s a sharp tug of fear as his brother pushes him on the couch they both hate, because he’s scared of the way he’s talking. Is he angry too? Was he wrong about how happy he seemed? Nothing he says makes any sense, but still his brother draws closer and closer until his bangs are just barely touching Russell’s face. There’s a brief moment of fear when he’s trying to place where his hands are, but they’re by his waist.

“You’re jealous of everyone. You’re angry at what they have that we don’t. But lately, you’re even jealous of me too aren’t you?”

“Do you hate me too Russell?”

“I thought we’d play together today, so you can tell me just how you really feel.”

“Do you want to kill me like you want to kill everyone else Russell?”

The questions keep coming as he draws closer, but there’s no real malice at all still. Russell remembers reading once that green was supposed to be the color of jealousy and always thought it odd that his brother seemingly empty of such a feeling was the one who carried green eyes. It was the only physical difference between them aside from his brother’s insistence to have a different colored dress shirt.

“No,” he eventually finds himself whispering, still afraid of what his brother might do.

“I’m jealous too Russell. I’m jealous of all these people you say you don’t care for that still are nestled in your heart. I hate the thought of becoming less important than them. I keep telling myself you’ll never let go of your disdain and jealousy, but if even I become a center of such feelings will you just wish to kill me also?”

“You’re the only good thing in this miserable world.”

He feels his brother clutch at his vest and rest his forehead on his.

“I don’t want to share you with anyone else. It’s bad enough those men look at you when we’re out at night.”

Russell still can’t really understand. His brother isn’t angry, but he’s jealous. Yet… he doesn’t want to kill him. If anything he just wants to possess him. If he’s not jealous of him, then he’s jealous of others?

“I don’t care if it’s _filthy_. The rest of this world is disgusting as is. If it’s what I have to do to find any sort of small happiness in this life, then I don’t care. Wouldn’t you say that’s only fair Russell? In the end, we only have each other.”

He still doesn’t really understand. His brother doesn’t want to kill him, but he also sees flickers of what those disgusting men do to his mother. Their mother.

But isn’t this different in its own way? He knows at the very least whatever it is motivating his brother isn’t the base lust other humans have. He isn’t like the men who sleep with their mother or the strangers who offer them candy. There should be a fear in how close he is and what he’s saying; the implications of what it means for them to do something like this and what it means to agree to being completely his.

The recognition becomes clear as he watches his brother read what few expressions he musters. Gently, he presses their lips together and though the action inherently wasn’t sexual, there’s a sentiment behind his brother’s action that isn’t entirely innocent either.

“They leave us alone all the time anyway. They won’t have to know.”

“It’s our own special secret Russell.”

“So c’mon, let’s play.”

 


End file.
